Posts Tagged ‘grief’

A Few Words on Grief

I am no stranger to grief. I don’t know how to navigate it, at least not quickly, but I recognize it and that is something. When I grieve, I set small, doable goals.

For much of my life, grief was a lot like getting lost. I wandered around for a while, then I’d stop and ask for help.  Then I’d wander some more and when I thought it was hopeless, I’d ask for help again.

It is a good way to drive away your friends.

I eventually figured out my problem is when I get lost in the same place a second (or third) time, I will see a gas station or other landmark and recognize it, so I keep going thinking I am in the right place. The problem is, and always has been, that they are the landmarks that I’d passed when I was lost. I only recognized them because when I drove in circles the “wrong” places became familiar.

Grief is like that. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, or so they say. I challenge that and offer that there is a least an unhealthy way to grieve, which is to say, if you keep doing the same thing and it never helped before, it probably isn’t going to help now. Like driving around in circles.

It seems all I can do is narrow my experience down to some truths, my truths, which are as follows:

  1. No one can really help me, so might as well be quiet and keep my head down.
  2. There may be someone grieving worse than me.
  3. I might as well learn how to deal with it; it will happen again.
  4. Grief comes in waves. If I can’t keep my head above water, hold my breath.
  5. Always remember grief is a gift. It is the price you pay for love.


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